Deep thoughts

As I approach my 6 weeks of being on crutches, to say I am nervous in returning to a normal lifestyle is an understatement. These last few weeks have been the hardest both mentally and physically in my life.  I have so many fears that come to my head that returning feels impossible. What if I can't run Boston? What if I can't get back to where I was? What if I let everyone down? What if I am not good at running? What if I am still injured? All these what ifs come to my head. I fear and fear itself is the scariest thing. The unknown what my future holds is frightening as well. I just wish I had a magic crystal ball to see into my future. 

I recently received my official acceptance into the Boston 2015 Marathon and what a bittersweet moment that was. The race I strived and worked so hard to get into and now I am sidelined with an injury. I know, I am not looking for a pity party, just stating the reality I am facing at this moment. I do believe everything happens for a reason and hoping someone upstairs is rooting for me to make a comeback. A great comeback in life. Running is my passion, my release, a vital part of my life. It has brought so many good things into my life that I feel lost without it. Heck, it's what brought me together with my husband, the one who has continued to support me and help me through this difficult period. A rock one may say, and for that I am eternally grateful. A few others I would not have survived without are my family, they have shown me that it's ok to ask for help and be the weak one at times. It's hard for me to swallow my pride and let others take over, I have learned this is not a bad thing. Your family is always there and that's an important thing to remember, I am thankful mine is pretty awesome. Next, my friends and work family, what would I do without your constant support. I mean come on who else would send me messages and set up lunch dates to hang with a girl on crutches. Not many people I know of. Thank you all for all your love and support, not sure how and what I would do without you all, just hope I can find a way to repay you all someday. 

Ok sorry for the deep thoughts, sometimes just have to get them all out there. I have two more weeks to go and have a follow up appointment tomorrow for another X-ray. I hope it shows healing, I hope the doctor is happy with my progress, I hope he lets me walk again soon. On a positive note, getting back into the gym has helped me keep my sanity. It's crazy how many people have come up to me stating how great it is to see someone so dedicated. I try to tell them it is no big deal and they are just as dedicated as me being there. I will say it does make me feel good inside. I won't give up this easily, life is hard, and giving up is not an option. I plan on fighting and coming back a better person, a better wife, sister, daughter, aunt, friend, and runner. So please don't give up on your dreams, stay strong, keep your head up and keep fighting. I cannot tell you how many times I just wanted to roll over and quit, but where would that get me. Nowhere! So stay strong and dream big! I know I will continue rooting for you.